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- Why
is "abbreviation" such a long word?
- What
would have happened if Kuwait's main product was broccoli?
- What's
a synonym for Thesaurus?
- What's
brown and sticky? A stick.
- What's
shorter than a weekend? A vacation!
- What's
the speed of dark?
- When
all else fails, call Bill Gates at home.
- When
all else fails, read the manual.
- When
all is said and done, more is said than done.
- When
an old person dies, a library burns down.
- When
I want your advice, I'll beat it out of you!
- When
I want your advice, I'll give it to you!
- When
ideas fail, words come in very handy.
- When
in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
- When
in doubt, tell the truth.
- When
it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.
- When
liberals grow up they want to be conservatives.
- When
money speaks, truth keeps silent.
- When
puns are outlawed only outlaws will have puns.
- When
the chips are down, the buffalo's empty.
- When
the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
- When
vultures fly they're allowed carrion luggage.
- When
you see a snake, never mind where he came from.
- When
you wake up in the morning and nothing hurts you can be sure you're
dead.
- When
you were born the doctor slapped your mother.
- When
you're in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
- When
you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
- When
your dreams turn to dust, vacuum.
- When
your IQ hits 28, sell!
- Whenever
I feel like exercising I lie down until the feeling passes.
- Where
can I find a synonym for thesaurus?
- Where
do bees go potty? At a BP station.
- Where
does the fire go when the fire goes out?
- Where
in the world does the guy who has everything put it?
- Where
is everything? All I typed was format c:.
- Where
law ends, tyranny begins.
- Where
there's a will there's a beneficiary.
- Where
there's a will, there's an attorney.
- Where
there's smoke, there's toast.
- Where
you've been means much less than where you're going.
- Where's
the any key?
- Wherever
you came from, you're not there now.
- Which
is the non-smoking lifeboat?
- Which
is worse, ignorance or apathy?
- Which
one is the fatherboard?
- Who
invited all these tacky people?
- Who
named you "Taste Police" anyway?
- Who
puts those "Thin Ice" signs out there?
- Who
should I call to exorcise software?
- Who
wrote the rules on how to act your age?
- Why
bother phoning a psychic? Let them phone you!
- Why
buy shampoo when real poo is still free?
- Why
can't DOS ever say "Excellent command or filename"?
- Why
did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- Why
do you need a driver's licence to buy alcohol when you can't drink
and drive?
- Why
isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
- Why
are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
- Why
are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
- Why
are cigarettes sold in petrol stations when smoking is prohibited
there?
- Do
you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
- Have
you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
- How
does the guy who drives the snowplough get to work in the mornings?
- If
7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks
on the doors?
- If
a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
- If
nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to
the pan?
- If
you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from
a height, what would happen?
- If
you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when
you turn on the headlights?
- You
know how most packages say "Open here". What is the
protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
- Why
do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
- Why
do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
- Why
is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a
shipment, but when
you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
- You
know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes,
why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
- Why
is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you
turn down the volume on the radio?
- I
went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the
self help section?" She said if she told me it would defeat
the purpose.
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